I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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