You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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