I must be too annoying 4 u.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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