just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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