i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
