I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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