i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
