My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
