you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
