OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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