Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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