i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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