my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm like, not good at living.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
