im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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