Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
