i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
