how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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