he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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