i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
