Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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