talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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