also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
