I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
