Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
