Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
