My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
