Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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