He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is Oprah even human
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
