Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
