He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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