Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
