Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
