you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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