I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
