i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
