This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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