3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
