i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
