john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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