ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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