Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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