Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
