I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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