Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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