you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
