You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
