Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
