i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
