Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
