I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
