walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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