so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
