dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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